Geordie Potter and the Ginger Curse
by Stetec
Summary: A daft bit of Harry Potter related fun, written in geordie speak  Newcastle upon Tyne accent, think Ant and Dec... lots of bad language, with occassional sexual references, parental consent advised!  I hope it raises a titter anyway and makes you smile!


**Geordie Potter and the Ginger curse.**

"Get a f*cking move on ya ginga c*nt!" Geordie shooted at Ron.

"The flying taxi's oot side and am ganning without ya if you don't get that f*cking cape off and get ya shoes on. Don't think a cannit see ya coz yav got me invisibility cloak on ya ginger quiff glows reet through it man, its like a ginger wig floating aboot the place man, howey sort ya sh*te oot!"

"Bloody hell man Geordie! Nee need for that like, a cannit help being a ginger tw*t, blame me mam for being ginger and sha*ging me ginger favva! Am not gannin anyway, Hermione isn't gonna be there, she's gannin doon the toon with that tos*a Malfoy. I'll Malfoy that tw*t one of these days, I'll stick my wand reet up his…"

"Hells boll*x man, Ron, you still not shag*ed her yet like, she's gagging for it ya da*t blind ginger tw*t!"

"A nah, but am shy man, yee nah that Geordie. And that blonde c*nt is rich as f*ck man, a cannit find 2 Geordie pennies to rub together man, why the f*ck would she wanna gan oot with me, the nuclear faaloot glow from me fookin red hair isn't gonna get her in the sack is it man? What am a supposed to do, waak up to her and say, howey pet, suck on me c*ck and get a bright ginger pube stuck between ya teeth? Ya nah what she'd dee? She'd f*ck off oot with that tw*t like she has."

"Well, don't ask her to suck on your ginger c*ck then ya stupid ginger bast*d! Be more subtle. Tell her you'll settle for a hand job instead ahahahahahahaha!"

"IT'S NOT FUNNY MAN! Aye, gan on, have a good laugh, but I'm not gannin oot, am stopping here, yee f*ck off oot on ya tod."

"Look mate, I'm not leaving you here to w*nk over Hermione in the shower pics on ya phone. Aye, I nah aal aboot them kidda. Av w*nked ower them mesell ahahahaaha!"

"Stupidcuntingtwating bitchify!" Screeched Ron, waving his wand at Geordie.

Geordie ducks.

"Howey man Ron, divnt be waving that sh*te at me or I'll stick a Makeagingerc*ntsqueellikeagirl ify spell reet up your nose! You tek things too serious man. Howey, get ya shoes on, am teking you to a party mate. There'll be so much witch p*ssy there ya little ginger d*ck'll not nah which way to point."

"But Geordie man, I'm a ginger c*nt, nee lass'll be in the slightest bit interested, yee nah that. And the last time I tried that just for little ginger wizards hair dye stuff off the telly, me hair went green. Then it fell oot. And then grew back more ginger than eva. Doesn't matter what a dee, I'm always gonna be a ginger c*nt with a little widger and nee lass wants nen of that man."

"Aye, but Ron, I've got that aal sorted mate. Av got a new trick up me sleeve, divnt yee worry aboot that, not just a place for resting me nhs special glasses this man…" said Geordie cryptically, tapping his finger on the scar on his heed.

"What you up to ya daft, sneaky, macam f*cker, how'd ya get that scar on ya heed again?" Mocked Ron, suspiciously.

"DIVN'T YEE CAAL ME A MACAM AGAIN EVER YOU WINGING, WHINING, MINGING GINGER SOD! EVER! And yee nah how I got the scar and if you ever tell anyone that I got it falling on a toblerone and I'll stick a Makeagingergrassingtw*tcrylikeagingerbaby ify spell right in your left ear."

"Bloody hell, that's harsh man. That's harsh. That cuts me right to the bone man. That's below the belt, that's like…"

"Shut the f*ck up, stick your little ginger booties on and get in that taxi before it f*cks off and we have to get the brooms oot and fly there and its pis*ing doon man and a not drinking and flying again, not after last time, yee nah what happened and if I get anymore points on me licence and a cannit play for the toon in the quiditch league next year."

"What's the toon deeing in the quiditch league like, a nah they cannit play footy like, but quiditch? What's aal that aboot like?"

"Way, it's a lang story, but nee fecker else would buy them so Dumbledore did. Anyway, stop changing the subject ya ginger tw*t, shoes, now! Like a said, I've got a Rohipnol spell up me sleeve, even you'll get laid that way man!"

"You what? Nee way like, a cannit believe you'd stoop that low like… Would it work on Hermione? Eurk, a divn't want sloppy seconds if she's been sh*gging that blonde c*nt like, then again li…"

"A was joking man, ya f*ckin ginger perv. How desperate are you man, Jesus wept, I'll tell you what, I'll have a word with her for ya. I'm good with words. By the time I'm done, she'll be putty in ya hands bonny lad, leave it to me…"

"Bloody hell Geordie, there's summit rang when me mates gotta chat me lasses up for us, but aye areet you dee that for us mate and I'll get the first round in."

Ron gets his ginger shoes on and the lads jump in the flying taxi.

Sometime later:

"For f*cks sake man taxi driver, shut the f*ck up and get your foot doon and if you mention your poor starving family back in pakisindiiraqiafghanistan again just so aal give ya a tip, I'll put the tip of my wand so far in your right ear you'll be wishing I'd stuck it in your bell end instead. Hogspots end of year party. That's all yee need to know. Get us there. And step on it man. F*cks sake."

"Bloody hell Geordie, don't you think that was a bit hars…"

"And you as well! Sit doon, shut up. In fact cheer up you miserable ginger tw*t, I'm gonna get you laid tonight. And if you play your cards reet, it'll be with Hermione and not some other pathetic, desperate, ginger lass with braces. Areet?"

The lads arrive at the party.

"Oi, ginger, pay the taxi fella man, I've only got notes, the immigrant c*nt'll feck off without giving us me change, I nah what they're like man, I wasn't born yesterday. And I nah for a fact he's got a button hidden somewhere that bumps that meter up, sneaky terrorist slut"

"Reet Ronaldo, me old son, you get the beers in, there's your lass with that tosser, leave this to me. I'll have a double JD and . You have orange juice, yee nah what your like on JD, remember last time when I couldn't find ya. Where did Hagrid find ya? In the woods with nee kecks on chasing unicorns. I want you slamming that ginger bacon home tonight. And not in a unicorn either. Hermione is gonna feel some ginger loving!"

"Reety ho Geordie, I'll be over here having a chat with my mate. Howld on, what am a saying, a haven't got any friends, Im ginger! Aw for f*cks sake, now I'm really depressed, what am a gon.."

"Ron, shut the f*ck up, go and have one beer and I do mean one beer, just for the nerves, find someone who can bear to talk to ya and let me work my magic. Back in a bit mate."

Geordie f*cks off to find Hermione.

"Get you're f*cking tongue oot of her mouth you dirty blonde t*at, Hermione, a word pet." Geordie finds Hermione with Draco's tongue in her mouth.

"Oi, Potter, find your own slut, this ones mine, you geeky, four eyed mother fu*ker."

"Oh, so that's all I am to you Draco. I might have known not to expect any different." flounced Hermione.

"Well what do you expect when you sitting on my c*ck screaming who's your slut baby about an hour ago bitch?"

"That's beside the point Draco, I think I'll call an end to our evening at this point I wish I could say it's been fun, but plainly it hasn't, I faked it and you have a rather ridiculously small penis. Nothing in my spell book can help you there."

"Hermione! I love it when you put people down in that posh voice and still remain hot!" Geordie works his charm.

"I hope you like sloppy seconds Potter!" Malfoy turns and f*cks off.

"Anyway, any chance of shag*ing Ron tonight, he's gagging to do you over Dumbledore's desk yee nah. The lads desperate."

"Can't say I hadn't noticed. But he is a repulsive, annoying ginger tw*t and I couldn't bring myself to sh*g him if he shaved every ginger hair from his body. Arm pits and pubes included."

"Howey man, not even if you got a few JD's doon ya first like?"

Over by the bar, there's almighty clattering and the sound of glass breaking.

"RON MAN, I SAID ONE BEER!"

Geordie and Hermione run to the bar to aid their ginger comrad.

"How manys he had barman? He's under age yee nah, you cannit be letting him get hammered like that, did you ask him for ID or owt like, whats your name, your in sh*t the morra like, if I've gotta carry his heavy ginger ass back to the dorm because you've let him have more than one…"

"He's only had one man! So shut the f*ck up you geeky four eyed little sh*te and get ya facts straight man!"

"OH YEAH, YOU WANNA PIECE OF ME BITCH?"

"GEORDIE! Lets get Ron back to the dorm. Come on now, pick him up. Lets find a taxi."

"Pick him up? He's a heavy fat ginger tw*t yee nah, I haven't been to the gym in a while and besides my back is a bit…"

"Ok Geordie, forget it, I'll cast a getaheavygingertw*tintoacab ify spell. Stand aside."

Sometime later, in the taxi:

"Aw, not you again, don't even think about talking about all that stuff I promised to stick a wand in your right ear about before mind, don't test me Osama!"

Back at the dorm, some time later:

Ron wakes up on the settee.

"Aw me heed. Geordie? Where you at man? What happened like? One minute I was having a beer and the next there was aal this noise and…Geordie?"

"Could have sworn I heard Hermione screaming who's your slut baby off in the distance somewhere…"

Ron enters Geordies bedroom.

"Hermione! Geordie! What the f*ck man! Get off his c*ck! Stop screaming who's your slut baby!" screeched Ron in disbelief at finding his best and only friend with the girl of his dreams sitting on his best and only friends c*ck screaming who's your slut baby.

"Ronald!" screams Hermione.

"Dude!" screams Geordie. "I can explain!"

Ron whips his wand out… He takes a deep breath… and lets loose!

"Getthef*ckoffmybestandonlyfriendsc*ck,youf*ckingj*ilbaiting,slop*ysecondsgiving,sluttyb*tch ify!"

Hermione heads skywards in a blaze of ginger light, landing a very short while later back on Geordies c*ck, but not before revealing, wait for it, Geordies bright ginger pubes!

"Aw, no me secrets oot, what am a gonna dee?" wailed Geordie. "No one was ever supposed to nah that I'm also a minging ginger tosser who dyes me hair black with just for men, dude I'm sorry I never told you man!"

Ron stands still for quite some time, as if in a ginger trance. And then finally. Opens his ginger mouth to respond.

" Hhahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Heheheheheheehhehehehehe! Hahahahahahahahahaha! That's some funny sh*t man! I knew it. I f*cking knew it! I kept finding ginger pubes in the bath. And they were a different shade of ginger to mine! Ahahahahahhahahaha! Class! Oh my god, I'm gonna get some miles oot of this one, ! You couldn't write this sh*t! Bloody hell!"

"Anyway dude, I'm glad you're amused like, but, would you mind closing the door on your oot, you caught me at a bad time, some unfinished business here like..."

"Actually. Ronald, would you like to join in, I've always harboured a fantasy about doing 2 ginger men at once."

"What the hell don't mind if I do, !"

Ron dives in.

"Ron, you're kneeling on me ginger scrotum man, f*ck off!"

And they all lived happily ever after, Hermione did her 2 ginger men, Geordie thought his secret was safe and Ron got to exercise his little ginger tiddler stirring porridge, extra sloppy thirds.

But what Geordie didn't know was that Dumbledore had webcams in all of the rooms and broadcast it all on the net so now everyone knows Geordie Potter is a ginga!

And that Hermione and Ron finally do it.

About f*cking time!

Amen.


End file.
